fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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