Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
