first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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