who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
