Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
