I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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