are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
