Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
