Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I just want to make out with him forever
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
