gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I think i got beer on your cat.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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