I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
