I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
