Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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