This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
