i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
