I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
The power of my boobs compel you
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
