I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
