If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
