I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
