Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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