we made out on top of his cat.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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