The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
