Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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