He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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