YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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