just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
