even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
