So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
