His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
