Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Drake has all the answers
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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