Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
