Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
