I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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