Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
