So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Randomize
