Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
