It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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