and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
