dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
My underwear smells like fireworks.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
