I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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