You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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