just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
