I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
