I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
