Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
