all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
