But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
foreskin is a definite game changer
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I deserve this hangover.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
