I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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