I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
