My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
